Celtics-Lakers, yes. Celtics-Pistons, sure. I’ll even buy Celtics-Sixers. But Celtics-Hawks? Like my main Flavor Flav always says, don’t believe the hype. And that’s all I’ve been hearing around here. Hype. Just because the upstart Atlanta Hawks took the World Champeen Celtics to seven games in last year’s playoffs, we have ourselves a rivalry. Rivalries are steeped in tradition. The Los Angeles Lakers and Boston Celtics are the two most storied basketball franchises in National Basketball Association history. Their battles epic. Their deeds well documented in the annuls of history. Odyssey epic. The Celtics-Pistons rivalry while not as storied, is as least as bloody, if not more so. Iliad epic. And who could forget Dr. J and Larry Legend grabbing each other by the throats? That my friends, is what a rivalry looks like. But the Celtics and Hawks? I’m not biting.
Before last year’s playoffs, the only memorable chapter in this so called rivalry was the Bird-Dominique show in the 1988 Eastern Conference semifinals. But even then, as great as that was, the Hawks were the red headed bridesmaids of the Association. That team never beat the Celtics when it mattered. That team never beat anybody when it mattered. Neither has this one.
And even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we win! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn’t matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk. It just doesn’t matter if we win or we lose. IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER!
No, it didn’t matter then, and it doesn’t matter now. Senator, I served with rivalries. I know rivalries. Rivalries are a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no rivalry.
Roll Celtics, roll!