How the Boston Celtics can STILL beat the 76ers: A 5-Step Program

Playoff losses like the one the Boston Celtics experienced in Game 4 to the 76ers can be difficult, even traumatic at times. It is perfectly normal to feel a wide range of emotions, including anger, disgust, sadness, and confusion. These feelings are to be expected, and not the cause for alarm. However, seek immediate medical attention if you suddenly feel the desire to switch allegiances to the Golden State Warriors. This may be a sign of a serious condition.

Yet even though these feelings may be normal, processing them can be difficult. Thankfully, we here at Celtics Psychological Consultants have a groundbreaking method to ruthlessly suppress and circumvent your negative emotions by enumerating all the reasons everything is going to be just fine!

How the Boston Celtics can STILL beat the 76ers: A 5-Step Program

Step 1: Physicality (with tweaks) for 48 minutes

I have already explained why physicality is essential to playoff success generally, but its applications to this series specifically require a few tweaks. The “Goldilocks Zone” of physicality is a mix of exploiting strength advantages in matchups and maintaining intensity for the entire game. This sounds trivial, but the number of times NBA players call for on-ball screens, only to switch to a worse-size matchup is dumbfounding.

With Philly however, traditional conceptions of “playing strong” cannot be relied upon. Their two primary offensive creators are Joel Embiid and James Harden, famous practitioners of the I-really-want-to-get-fouled school of offensive strategy. This makes wall-to-wall physicality difficult, especially when Jaylen Brown picks up two fouls mere minutes into the game.

Brown’s two quick fouls changed the entire complexion of the game, forcing him to play much more cautiously as the primary defender on Harden, a role he has excelled in with flying colors. This in turn allowed Harden to settle into the game and find a shooting rhythm to the tune of a 42-point nuke.

It is impossible not to foul Harden or Embiid. Their entire play style is predicated on it. But the Boston Celtics must limit early fouls through rotating low post assignments and with Jedi-tier discipline. If you get beat, get ‘em next time. But do not get a foul.

Step 2: Do not grant the city of Philadelphia free Chick-fil-A

The 76ers wield a borderline-genius strategy for riling up their fans to distract free throw shooters, promising free Chick-fil-A for everyone if an opposing player misses both free throws in the second half, a promotion entitled Bricken for Chicken. In Game 4, there were three instances where a Boston Celtics player missed the first free throw in the second half, but they managed to hit the second each time. Boston cannot allow the fans that level of satisfaction if they hope to compete in hostile territory.

Maybe the Celtics can roll out an emergency collab with Dunkin’ for Game 5. If Harden returns to his Games 2/Game 3 form and shoots less than 30% from the field, everyone should get free Munchkins, known forever as “Slumpin’ for Munchkins.” I can already see the posters. It would be glorious.

Step 3: Stabilize the offense

Game 4 may have technically been lost to a Harden 3-pointer, but it was really lost in the first three quarters. The Boston Celtics put together stretches of offensive anemia so dire that I began mentally preparing for a loss. If only I had not thrown all that mental preparation out the window in the fourth quarter when I actually convinced myself the C’s would pull it out.

During a particularly concerning stretch across the first two quarters, the Celtics shot 6/28 from the field. Jayson Tatum had 2 points in the first half, hitting his first shot less than 30 seconds before halftime. Cold stretches happen to every team in every game, but the Celtics are a far superior basketball team, and thus their biggest risk is a prolonged stretch of not hitting shots.

Harden scored 42, and Embiid scored 34. Robert Williams III and Grant Williams provided nothing on the offensive end. The Celtics went down 16 with five minutes left in the 3rd quarter, yet this game was a nail-biter. Had the Cs not gone as cold as they did, this game could have been a blowout in the other direction.

Step 4: Avoid dejected Tatum

Hoodie Melo. Game Six Klay. Dejected Tatum. One of these things is not like the other.

I don’t pretend to know who on the Boston Celtics is the Tatum whisperer, but the past two games have shown concerning signs of dejection from the normally dominant superstar. Tatum’s signature move, the “throw your hands in the air and shake your head violently in the direction of the official,” is the tell-tale indicator that we are in for some problems.

Whether it is not getting foul calls at the rim that he feels like Embiid probably would have gotten like it was today, or the sometimes brain-melting turnovers, Tatum has a tendency to seem distraught when the Celtics need him most, which can, in turn, invite Marcus Smart to assume Alpha status. I actually thought the look Smart got at the end of regulation was a good look, but I’d bet that emotionally, Celtics fans would rather live and die with Tatum taking the last shot.

Step 5: Channel your anger

Here at Celtics Psychological Consultants, we are notorious for poor anger management tactics. However, when you are a contender for an NBA title, channeling anger from a heartbreaking loss into surgical execution is of paramount importance.

It is a simple process: find whatever angers you about the loss. Do you think there are some questionable foul calls? Sure. Didn’t like the crowd’s behavior? Sounds good. Dislike the city of Philadelphia more generally? Great one. Whatever angers you about losing, funnel it into energy and intensity. Bloodthirsty basketball is winning basketball. Sorry Master Yoda.

DISCLAIMER: Celtics Psychological Consultants is not a real… anything. Suppressing your negative emotions is not a good way to deal with them. If you begin bandwagoning the Warriors for any reason, you do not need to seek medical help, but please reevaluate your life choice regardless.