May 14, 2014; Miami, FL, USA; Miami Heat forward LeBron James (6) reacts after defeating the Brooklyn Nets 96-94 in game five of the second round of the 2014 NBA Playoffs at American Airlines Arena. Mandatory Credit: Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

If The Miami Heat Three-Peat, I Will Go Insane: Three Reasons Why

The Miami Heat are just one more NBA Playoff series away from returning to the NBA Finals for the fourth-straight year, which means I am nearing the end of my rope.

If the Indiana Pacers cannot stop the Heat, it will be up to either the San Antonio Spurs (who lost the Miami in the Finals last season) or the Oklahoma City Thunder (who will not be the same now that Serge Ibaka is done playing in these playoffs) to deny Miami its three-peat.

Three flawed teams: the Dysfunctional Pacers.  The Geriatric Spurs.  The Walking Dead Thunder.  Excuse me if I am not rushing to put my money down on any of these teams.

All of which means that I will almost certainly be a drooling, babbling, incoherent and possibly dangerous lunatic by the time the Larry O’Brien Trophy is handed out sometime in June.

That’s right, Boston Celtics fans: if the Miami Heat manage to become only the sixth team in history win a third-consecutive NBA Championship, I will go insane.   Guaranteed.  Here’s why.

1. LeBron James‘ Self-Centered “The Decision” Will Be Pushed That Much Further Back In Our Collective Consciousness.

We all know the NBA is a business.  We all knew LeBron had really good reasons for leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers when he became a free agent in 2010.  Had King James simply made his decision and announced it via a brief press conference, everyone but Cleveland Cavaliers fans would have accepted it as a superstar’s desire to win that elusive championship ring, similar to Kevin Garnett‘s leaving Minnesota to play for the Boston Celtics in 2007 – but doing things the way every other NBA free agent that came before him wasn’t good enough for King James, so he held the city of Cleveland hostage long enough to humiliate them on national television.

It was one of the most self-centered acts I’ve ever seen a “professional” athlete do, and given his relationship with the state of Ohio, it cannot be explained away with the adage, “The NBA is a business.”  “The Decision” was a slap in the face to a fanbase that deserved something that at least hovered around “respectful.”   Yet, with every championship he wins, LeBron makes us forget that moment of sheer villainy.   People love a winner, because we are stupid and have short-term memories.   My memory is still functional, which is why I will go crazy if LeBron wins another championship and all the accolades that go along with that.

2. Miami Heat fans are not even real NBA fans.

Come on – Miami isn’t a city with what you would call a love-affair with professional hoops.  The city had an ABA team – the Miami Floridians – that made the playoffs three out of the four years it called Miami home, but the team wound up disbanding in 1972 due to piss-poor attendance.

Speaking of attendance – who can forget this inspiring scene that took place in the closing minutes of Game Six of the 2013 NBA Finals:

That’s some dedicated fans right there!  Especially since the Heat came back to tie that game in regulation and win in it overtime.  Apparently, Heat fans are the sort of fans who cheer loudly when the Heat win, but can’t be bothered to applaud their team if they fall short of a championship.  Stay classy, Miami!

3. Ray Allen is a back-stabber who doesn’t deserve to win even a game of H-O-R-S-E ever again.

Speaking of staying classy:

Business -schmusiness – as a free agent, Ray Allen could have gone to practically any team he wanted to . . . and he chose the biggest Eastern Conference rivals of the team that had only recently helped him win his first-ever NBA Championship ring.   Tell me Ray-Ray wasn’t motivated by his rivalry with Rajon Rondo, and that he didn’t choose the Heat to prove to Boston’s management that he was upset by the offer they threw his way – come on, try it.   You’ll sound even more bonkers than I sound right now!  His defection to South Beach was further proof that professional athletes don’t always base their decisions on the business of the NBA.  Watching him win a ring last season was bad enough; if the basketball gods allow him to do it again, ensuring he wins more titles with the Heat than with the Cs, I may just drive my head through my kitchen wall.

So there it is, folks: my desperation is not out there for all to see!  For your sakes, I hope SOMEONE can beat the Heat, because if you think this post was insane, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

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