I, like every other Celtics fan that sat through Wednesday’s opener in Toronto, can’t quite wrap my head around one player’s glaring stat line… Gerald Wallace’s. The new arrival at forward played more minutes than any other player in the game, logging forty minutes. Forty minutes! Forty minutes of playing time isn’t just handed out like candy. Since watching the debacle, I’ve come up with some (obscure) theories behind the madness.
Coach Brad Stevens doesn’t know how the NBA works
While I am a Stevens diehard and love the hiring decision, part of me just sat there wondering if Stevens really knew what was going on during Wednesday’s game. In the college game, where he previously coached at Butler, games are forty minutes total, two twenty-minute halves. Stevens may have been stuck on that forty number… I can’t think of too many other reasons why Wallace would be left in for all but eight minutes of the game as he routinely got beat by Rudy Gay.
The Celtics are desperately trying to showcase Wallace’s talents
This one definitely makes sense. Wallace carries one of the worst contracts in the NBA and the only way someone would take him off our hands is if we make him look really good. Maybe forty minutes a night is what we should come to expect. But if this theory is true, then Wallace is doing his best to undermine Boston’s efforts. One shot attempt?! How does a thirteen year veteran manage only one field goal attempt in forty minutes. Maybe he cares too much about his efficiency? Maybe we’ll just have to become accustomed to one shot per forty minutes as Wallace does his best efforts to finish the year with a perfect shooting percentage. If the Celtics are trying to showcase his talents, they’ll need him to start pouring in the points and at least resemble the old scrappy player that earned a 10 million dollar contract.
Snoop Dogg and Gerald Wallace body-swapped
C’mon, they look alike and you know it. The hip-hop legend has seen enough court time over the last few years to warrant this theory some consideration. And no, I didn’t mean that kind of court. Another parallel theory: Maybe Wallace’s pregame ritual is the same as Snoop’s. If you’re not completely caught up with the rapper’s lifestyle choices (and I do realize I excluded a large part of the reading audience with this section), let’s just say Snoop fancies the illegal drugs, particularly marijuana. Now I’m certainly not accusing Wallace of doing drugs, but again… the man shot the ball ONE TIME IN FORTY MINUTES. Think about what you have done over the past forty minutes. I’m sure you’ve shot a ball of some sorts at least twice. For any of you mathematicians out there, Wallace is currently being paid 10 million dollars per shot attempt.
While my theories certainly got more and more ludicrous as this article went on, I think you get the gist. Wallace’s production needs a makeover from what we saw in the opener. I know it was just a one game sample, so we will see tonight if any adjustments have been made! If not, expect a similar followup article in no time.